Through our lives, we may be called a nickname or two. I had plenty of them. When I was five years old, my hair was very short, and my Dad called me “bur head.” If it came from my Dad, it was alright by me. I was called “Broadway” in high school, “Peppy” in college, and “The Rocket” in business. But at a financial conference in San Antonio, in front of an audience of almost 1,000 people, I was called a nickname that threw me, but only for a moment or two.
It was an exciting event with an impressive group of professional speakers huttled together in the green room behind the stage. Normally at a conference like this, one or two professionals would be hired to speak. At this conference, eight speakers were each given one hour slots to wow the audience. If that doesn’t get your heart beating, you need to get your ticker checked. It was in that green room, while I was watching the speaker before me on the monitor, that I heard my new nickname. It started innocently enough…
“Today you’re going to hear from many great speakers, but there’s one in particular who I’m not that fond of. He believes you need to not just uncover an issue that a client may be protecting; he believes you need to continue to get that client to talk about this issue, which he sometimes calls a wound. I call a person like this person a scab picker.”
A hush feel over the green room where the remaining speakers and I were sipping on water, making idle chatter, and watching the monitor. There was some rather humorous and quizzacle looks as if each was saying, “That’s not me – is it you?” I smiled and said, “I think that’s me” and began to get miked up for my rebuttal… I mean presentation.
So many thoughts raced through my head as I stood off stage waiting for my real name to be called. But within seconds, I knew what I wanted to say. When my name was called and I walked towards the microphone, I was ready…
“Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Rob Jolles, and I am a scabpicker. I know that might sound like a terrible name, but I am not ashamed of it. I’m proud of it. You see, I know that people do not instinctively fix small problems; they fix big problems. What’s more, I know that the fear of the unknown often outweighs the pain of the present.
So what can we do about it? We have two choices: The first is to ignore it, and hope it goes away. Ignore it? I’ve spent most of my professional career observing the tragedy that falls on those we care about because no one has the courage to step forward and ask difficult questions. It can be as simple as poor study habits, or as complicated as a dysfunctional scar stemming from a troubled childhood. The players change, and certain elements of the plot change, but the results are the same. In the end, there’s the feeling that there’s nothing we can do about it. We can’t ignore it.
My other option is to try and do something about it. Doing something about it begins by creating trust, and then earning the right to actually have someone tell you about a particular problem. That can be uncomfortable, and that’s not even half the job. If you believe in the change you are trying to create, you have to be willing to get your hands dirty. Getting your hands dirty means asking more questions about the pain someone might be trying to avoid. It means opening the wound a bit more. For the lack of a better word, it means being a scabpicker. That’s what I believe, that’s what I teach, and that’s who I am.”
It was a rather shocking opening to a presentation, and not a nickname I’d like to put on my luggage tag, but I stand by those words. The next time you are nose-to-nose with another individual who desperately needs to change their ways, I hope you remember these words as well.
I love it bossman. That was just great. Now you know I do read your articles sometimes
Rob – You handled that “introduction” with aplomb. Cannot imagine why someone would want to undermine one of their speakers but the world is filled with all types of creatures.
Consider this, many folks want others to love, respect or at least to admire them. Yet, the most powerful person on earth, The Pres of USA, has close to half of his (no hers yet)constituents that reject them in the ballot box and many more that endow their leader with all sorts of nicknames. Many people cannot handle that type of rejection and hence do not run for political office; or go after that sale; or chase that girl – instead they protect their ego at all costs and end up contributing or accomplishing less than they could.
Keep doing what you do! David O.
This article speaks to me..have a collegue friend who is pondering a difficult career decision..will be meeting with him at the end of the month.. intend to “scab pick” to uncover what his real pain is..which I can detect in his recent email..and our recent meeting .. concerned that he may make an emotional rather than sound business decision..will provide you some feedback..thanks.
At what point did you slip out and puncture the MC’s tires?
As I read your piece today, I couldn’t help noticing that’s exactly (a part of) what I do as a psychotherapist, and that those clients who learn to do it for themselves are the ones who grow the most and maintain the best relationships. I think the lesson is that there is buried treasure beneath the pain. Thanks Rob.
I remember that speech because I was there. If you’ll remember, the guy who dubbed thee the “scab picker” had just finished conducting a role play using his method. Said method demonstrated his ability to talk through the sale and re-direct the conversation away from the buyer’s focus over to a land of happy chatter. That’s when I left the room. If you want a friend, go buy a puppy. Can the happy chatter and get to down to business!
Bubba
After reading this, I keep thinking back to something very wise I once read (you may remember this one) — “I would rather help a customer avert a catastrophe than help clean one up.” So, the alternative to “scabpicking”? Ignore the wound and pretend that nothing is wrong? I’ve seen the dire consequences of sales people making clients “feel good”. I’m happy to build up discomfort and pain because it moves my clients to action — solving problems that could be absolutely catastrophic for them and their families if not addressed. Thanks for teaching me the art of picking scabs, Rob.