Ah… the paradox of Facebook. Who knew such a simple idea could create so much angst and confusion. Ask one hundred people what they think about the Facebook revolution, and you’ll get one hundred different answers. 
There are the pessimists who won’t get near it. “Why would I want people, many who I never liked in the first place, to find me?” Well, on the one hand I can understand how a person would feel that way having a few friends who I would have rather not have found me, now peering into my life, but I also think that avoiding Facebook solely based on this concern is a bit pessimistic.
There are the obsessive people who can’t pull themselves away from Facebook. Morning, noon, and night they tinker, post, comment, and peruse their sites. I’d prefer to watch a Nat’s game, but to each their own.
There are the “over posters” who won’t stop posting. Thank goodness I learned how to “hide all posts”, and thank goodness most people won’t know that their account of their every move is falling on deaf ears.
There are even the “over frienders,” who won’t stop inviting anyone with a heartbeat to friend them. I have a friend who has over 3,000 friends on his Facebook. I never knew he was so popular! Apparently, he’s the friendliest friend I know!
I could go on, but I did not come here to bury Facebook; I came here to praise it. You see, Facebook surprised me this last week, and came to my rescue. Sadly, our dog Jake, trusted friend and companion, died. I don’t need to tell you how difficult that is if you are a person who loves dogs. I suppose that one can be spared this level of pain by not having any pets, but to me, the positives are far greater than the negatives. This type of pain comes from the blessing of love.
As a memory of my pal Jake, I wanted to have his picture in my collection of pictures on Facebook. I did NOT want to announce his passing to my world of Facebook, but quite frankly, I did not know how to get his picture into my album without posting it. So, I nervously placed a small, insignificant posting with a couple of simple sentences and hoped that it wouldn’t be seen by many people. I had no such luck.
Soon, however, the comments started appearing. Although each comment was meant to comfort me, they initially had the opposite effect. They made me sadder. Every few minutes, my inbox would “ding” with another comment. I’m embarrassed to say I winced every time I heard that “ding” because I knew I would be forced to read yet another comment from my friends. Some of these friends I hadn’t actually physically seen or spoken to in over thirty years. I had haphazardly collected through this Facebook phenomenon, and I thought they were lying peacefully gathering dust on my Facebook friend shelf. And yet, these friends, along with my more traditional friends, all spoke to me from their heart.
My mood began to change from dreading the “ding” to reaching for it. These were people who had stopped what they were doing, and thought enough of me to try and offer comfort and compassion. Although many of us are quick to criticize Facebook, let’s not lose sight of its power. On the one hand, it has the power to gather an entire nation and ignite a democratic revolution, and on the other hand, it has the simple power to reunite lost friendships. It also has the power to console and teach.
My pal Jake
My Facebook connection, and my eclectic collection of friends, taught me that it means a great deal to stop what you are doing and care. The “dings” that go with this caring may sting a little at first, but soon that sting is replaced by the greatest healing of all; love. Knowing how reassuring and comforting their words were made me realize I can do more to support my friends. A simple, thoughtful response can mean a great deal. The next time I open my Facebook page and read of someone else’s struggle, I’ll remember what a few words from the heart can do… and I’ll take a moment from my day to do it. This is a lesson I will carry with me as I go about my business of putting one foot in front of the other, and remember my pal Jake.
I am not a facebook user, but do have a dog, for the first time in my life as of 3 years ago, and so now i know….. and my heart goes out to you. I never knew how totally attached one could become to their pet, the most trusted, reliable member of the family. Hang in there Rob, and Ronnie, and the rest of your wonderful family. Jake brought you all a lot of love and will live on in your thoughts and hearts.
Rob,
Thanks for putting into words what so many of us feel when we lose our beloved pets! They are the certainly part of our families and best friends in life! Take Care……
I am sorry for your loss Rob. Without the good furtune of such rewarding relationships, we would not incur such dispair. It is the odd trade off of participating in life. Like you, I think it is worth it.
Rob –
Thanks so much for this week’s blog “Friendship, Facebook, and a Lesson Learned.”
I’m sorry to hear about your pal Jake.
We lost Trudy, our 17-year old German Shorthaired Pointer two months ago and are still feeling the sting of the loss.
Your message about transitioning from “dreading the ding” to reaching for it really resonates with me and I’m sure others who are dealing various losses in their own lives.
Thanks for sharing your story about friends and pals; I will share this with others, including my family and my Facebook friends.
All the best,
Kemp
I don’t have a facebook page but I am so glad that it brought you comfort in the passing of Jake. In our most recent conversation you shared about the increased demands of caring for your dear pal. What I admired most that day was that it was not a burden to you, rather, you wanted to make sure Jake was comfortable with whatever time he had left.
He was blessed to be in your family. Buzz and I have often said that dogs are God’s best example of unconditional love. Nothing comforts me like my Buddy dog and his wagging tail!
May the memory of Jake, and the love he had for you, be a fond memory for years to come!
I am still trying to find that balance of staying in touch. Overall, I think it’s pretty cool to be able to pop back in and out of the lives of the many individuals that have touched my life over the past 1/2 century. No other humans in history have had the ability to reconnect —with virtually every person that touched their lives until Facebook. It’s amazing!
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, Rob. I spent years working at an animal hospital and I’ve grown up with pets, so I feel your pain. It’s the worst part of owning an animal, but definitely worth the struggle. I’m sure he was a lucky creature to have been a part of your family. It’s surprising where we find little bits of love in our lives, but it’s good to be able to appreciate them all.
I was a cyber-apethetic individual for many years..however last year after our class reunion it was suggested that reconnecting through facebook would be fun..I took the risk and it’s true..I’ve found folks, been able to extend the Happy Birthdays’ that I used to remember 2 weeks too late..and got to see that awesome “twin” picture of you and Jake, photos do speak volumns..glad to see that you can “Wag your tale” when you hear the “ding” and feel the unconditional love that the universe provides..
You know, back in the olden daze (1990 or so), we’d send a letter. A handwritten note to express condolences or joy, congratulations, sympathy, get well, “go you!”, etc. And in some situations – weddings and funerals come to mind, we still do. BUT, we can all agree that those days are gone. Going to the Post Office was a pain in the can then and it hasn’t gotten any better, really. I, for myself, am a big fan of email – it IS a handwritten letter…no, really – it is! Everyone goes on and on and on about how impersonal email is – I just don’t agree. An email is a written word (well, ok, TYPED word) that still conveys the support that a written letter would. It just gets there faster. Now, am I a fan of email SPAM and all the “Send this along” BS? No. Unequivacably (sp?), NO. But I appreciate folks taking time out of the day to send a personal note…..even if there is no actual Postal Stamp in evidence. So enjoy each “ding” as it comes, and know that each ding is a kind and warm thought..delivered instantly.