It’s pretty difficult to live our lives without having to deal with high-pressure situations. Perhaps it’s a critical interview, an important presentation, or a key sales call. You showed up with a lot on your mind – usually too much on your mind. You tried chanting to yourself, “calm down; just be yourself!” Unfortunately, the more you demanded yourself to calm down, the harder it was to be yourself.
When is it the easiest to “just be you?” The answer is probably when you’re with your friends. Just think about how easy it is to be with your true friends, those who really know you. When you’re with your friends, my guess is:
- You don’t dread the meeting; you look forward to it.
- You don’t overthink the meeting, or memorize a lot of information beforehand.
- You don’t write out a ton of questions, and you naturally listen to the answers to your questions. You trust the relationship and you have confidence that you’ll always have plenty to talk about.
Everything is so easy and natural when we’re with our friends. If only it were that easy when we’re under pressure. Well, maybe it is. For just a moment, suspend your disbelief and imagine you are going into your next, high-pressure situation as if you are going to spend some time with your friends. What would be the harm in approaching the situation in this way:
- Looking forward to the pressure meeting you are about to attend.
- Focusing on a few basic things to cover, and with a calm mind, moving easily to the goals you have established.
- Thinking out some basic questions to ask early, and trusting your instincts to naturally take you deeper into the conversation.
I suppose there must be a downside to being in a more relaxed state of mind… and letting ourselves operate in our most natural state. Unfortunately, I just can’t come up with any. Talk to any professional speaker or accomplished salesperson, and they’ll tell you that their many years of practice and success has allowed them to feel little pressure as they go into an important meeting or event. Because they’re mentally in a familiar place, they can allow themselves to relax and be natural. I guess we could wait years until repetition and success allows us to find that familiar ground, but that’s just too heavy a price to pay.
I’m all for pre-call planning, and careful preparation, but far too often – when we are under pressure – we over prepare. The results are a perceived lack of authenticity, and an inability to show the side of ourselves we desperately want to show others. Next time you’re heading into that pressured situation, try to imagine that you’re going to be seeing some of your good friends. I think that may allow you to relax enough to let the authentic side of you come out. Wouldn’t it be nice to show that side of us in these high-pressure situations?
Hi Rob,
Very insightful and true. Some good tips on doing something that seems simple, but is actually not easy. Thx for sharing your thoughts which are always fun and insightful. Best wishes!!
Rob, this is well-written. I co-presented a 3 hour workshop on Wednesday and gave myself a little pep-talk after getting slightly nervous. I told my ‘monkey mind” to relax because I’ve done 5,000 meetings like this and the audience is a friendly group of advisors who requested our expertise. That helped.
Great weekend to you and your family,
Neil
Rob:
Thanks for continuing to provide great information in a pleasurable way to read and use- good tips based upon good understanding. I would just add a few things that I have found. Most important is know your subject. If you work to know your subject there are few people who will know more. Just like in giving a speech- know your audience, know what their interests are, try to understand ahead what will put them on your side- and use humor when you can to reduce any tension. Also don’t be afraid to be ready to say, Here’s what I think, but let me get back to you on that – you don’t want to use that too often, but sometimes you are better off admitting you need to look into something than trying to fake it. People (generally) respect honesty.
Excellent article, Rob. As usual, you hit a real nerve in the interviewing process; this form of off-the-stage fright. I just want to interject that this is one very thing that introverted souls find extremely daunting. Social interactions of any kind for any reason–business or pleasure–is always cause for panic and alarm plus the odd glass of double malt to some extent (why do we do it?…We love people!). That is why we have only as many good friends as we can count on one hand and only as many Linked-In connections as we can physically visit within a 50-mile radius ( driving distances gives panic too much time to form). Interviews! Aye! Many of us have to practice some form of progressive exposure like to the kind some therapists use to break a phobia, but it is worth it to interview better.
I wish I had this reminder several weeks ago when I had to prepare a very important presentation.
I did all the technical preparation, I believe perfectly, but I suffered terrible doubts when it came time to deliver. Two very dear friends, in the audience, reminded me–“We are all friends here so just talk to us.” While I was still nervous, I left the printed text and, while delivering the essence of the original message, my words came from my heart not from my paper.
Funny, as a teacher of Speech and Communication for many years, I often cannot take my own words of advice given to my students.
Thank you Rob. Your words always ring true for me.