The other day, I spoke with a friend who had good news. In a battered industry, and for this person, a battered profession, he had good news. After some hard work, a break had come his way, and my immediate reaction was to tell him how happy I was for him. That compliment was rebuffed, with a few mumbled words: “Oh, I think I was just lucky.”
A few minutes later, I tried to compliment him again. This time, I was serenaded with a depressed, “Thanks, but it probably won’t amount to much.” When I tried to give a compliment a third time, I received yet another apologetic response. At that point, I was sorry I even bothered, but it also made me think. Why is accepting a compliment so difficult for so many of us?
- Is it superstition? I’m a pretty superstitious guy myself, but are we really going to let superstition stop us from graciously accepting a compliment? If our superstition centers around a fear of not receiving any more compliments, discounting a compliment may very well prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- Is it modesty?Last time I checked, receiving a compliment from someone else is quite different from blowing one’s own horn.
- Is it a learned behavior? Personally, I think we are taught at a young age to step away from a compliment, and brush it off to avoid the risk of sounding arrogant.
It was my father-in-law who taught me a simple approach to handle something as simple as a compliment. I mentioned to him that when I finished a seminar, a few people would oftenquietly come up and pass a compliment my way. I would respond with a typical, “Oh, that really wasn’t my best” or “Normally, I’m a little sharper during my Q & A sessions.” Then he encouraged me to look at this from a different angle – from the angle of the person who was complimenting me.
He reminded that when someone pays you a compliment, it’s a very important moment for that person. Someone has been so moved by something you did that he or she felt a need to step forward, move past his or her own fear, and uncomfortably tell you something that is somewhat personal. With this knowledge, are you still sure you want to reward this leap of faith by another person with the phrase, “that really wasn’t my best today?”
The solution is an easy one; learn how to say, “thank you.” For some, it may be easy, but for others, it might require a few moments of placing your hands on your computer keyboard, or grabbing a pen and paper, and writing out a phrase or two that feels comfortable for you. It could be something as simple as: “That means a great deal to me, I’m grateful you came forward, and I can’t thank you enough for those kind words.”
This is usually greeted with a smile, a handshake, and a look of satisfaction on the face of the person who had the courage to offer those thoughtful words. Oh, and it will make you feel pretty good about yourself as well.
- Don’t forget to make sure your local Barnes & Nobel or FedEx is carrying Why People Don’t Believe You, and while you’re at it, pick up a copy!
- I’ve appeared on the Small Business Advocate Show with Jim Blasingame for almost 20 years now, and you’ll find dozens of our conversations on his website.Here’s a recent one that carves into the question, “What’s wrong with being sold something?” https://www.smallbusinessadvocate.com/small-business-interviews/rob-jolles-30952
- Clearly, I do my fair share of interviews, but this interview withthe Salesman Podcast was a lot of fun, and if you’re looking to Change Minds, one you should find interesting… https://www.salesman.org/the-simple-step-by-step-process-to-influence-anyone-with-rob-jolles/
- Onward Nation:https://predictiveroi.com/podcasts/rob-jolles/
- As a 30+ year professional speaker and trainer, one of the most common questions I get is this: “How do we make sure the training sticks?”Take a moment and listen to this podcast; “SalesChats” with John Golden. If you want to know why most training fails, listen up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR3dDOlTK7U&list=FLxBXKhqz0xBwbUPMqNthAJA&index=2&t=1293s
I always appreciate your insights, Rob. This article truly speaks to something I need to do better! I love your father’s perspective. Thank you for this!
It’s another case of instinct versus logic. It’s not instinctive, but it sure it logical! I was blessed to have a father and a father-in-law teach me valuable lessons, and this was one of them. I only wish I was better at it myself. Thanks for posting Ryan!
Your father-in-law was a wise man. I’ll be conscious of this moving forward. Thank you, Rob.
As you can tell, it’s a lesson that kind of gets away from us. Thanks for posting Fred and for providing such important content support with the Institute for Excellence in Sales you run!
Good post Rob. Sadly, too many people think about what they lack instead of focusing on their strengths. I’ve complimented people and received the same response. I’ll continue complimenting though and sooner or later, someone will say Thank you.
I think it’s a combination of introverted instincts, and humility, and not to be taken personally. As I mentioned, if only the people you were complimenting understood that by graciously accepting your compliment, they are they ARE saying, “thank you!” By the way, thank YOU Neil for this comment, and so many others you have been kind enough to post.