I’m a superstitious guy. I won’t eat certain foods on certain days, I won’t hit a snooze bar, and I have a lucky tie I wear when delivering keynotes. If you hang around me long enough, you’ll hear me tell you why I do what I do. I’ll try to find logical reasons for my little superstitions, but I know that I do these things because I don’t want to somehow jinx myself.
There’s one jinx I don’t buy into, and that’s the bizarre superstition of not believing in yourself. By expressing positive thoughts about ourselves publicly, we think that we are somehow jinxing ourselves. Don’t believe me? How many times have you heard an exchange similar to this:
“Do you think you’ll be successful achieving that particular goal?”
“Oh, I don’t really know. I’ve worked really hard but I’d hate to say ‘yes’ and jinx myself.”
Since when did believing in yourself become a jinx?! Why not have the audacity to actually utter those positive words out loud? Is there some sort of data that I’m unaware of that supports this jinx theory? I think not. As a matter of fact, I personally believe that the opposite is true.
Watch and listen to the tone and words of those who confidently speak about things that are not 100% under their control. Not only will you believe them, but you’ll see that they believe in themselves. Think about it for a moment. Assuming you’ve worked hard and done the things necessary to be successful, why wouldn’t you allow others to hear you speak in a positive manner?
So what are we so afraid of? Maybe we don’t want to be perceived as arrogant. Really? I just can’t believe telling others that we are confident, and that the work we have put into a particular goal will result in a positive outcome will drive others into believing we are somehow arrogant.
Perhaps it’s the fear of failure. After all, if we don’t tell people that we expect to be successful, and we keep our positive thoughts a secret, a possible failure won’t be as traumatic. Personally, I have a lot more respect for those who put themselves out there and put their goals on the line, then those who sound timid or unsure for fear they may jinx themselves.
I coached soccer and basketball teams for over thirty years. Over the first ten years, I was very careful to avoid laying out large goals to my teams. I didn’t want to apply unnecessary pressure on my player’s shoulders, and then see disappointment if they didn’t achieve those goals. During the next twenty years of coaching, I was upfront with these goals. I made sure my players believed in these goals too. I never found that talking about our goals jinxed our efforts. As a matter of fact, I think quite the opposite was true: Goals motivated the players to work harder and with more enthusiasm. In telling others about these goals, we created a support system that we were accountable to which made us work hard to achieve these goals.
There are some things we can control, and some we cannot. Having the courage to speak positively about things that are not completely under our control does not create some sort of mythical jinx! There is just no validity to the fear that we won’t do well just because we have the nerve to view things in a positive manner and share that vision with others. Let’s stop whispering our hopes and dreams, and instead, shout them out loud. Win, lose, or draw, if we’ve put in the work to achieve these goals, we can walk tall regardless of the results.
Amen Rob! Great reminder and spot on for this morning 🙂 keep up the life changing work!
That’s awfully kind of you. Forms of that jinx creep into our conversations all the time and I’m glad to bring it out in the open and challenge it. It’s something many of us don’t even know we’re doing. Thanks for the comment Ben!
Sometimes I get the feeling you’re following me around Rob Jolles… The fear of arrogance line hit home and made me realize just how far I go to bring a sense of comfort to the people around me. Can’t fault my intent, but in revisiting the last several efforts, I can actually feel my own momentum slipping. Energy is contagious, and your BLarticle made me realize my efforts to build people up by putting myself down is not only thwarting my own momentum, it’s putting the brakes on their’s as well.
By the way, I just looked outside – you don’t happen to own a blue BMW, do you?
Well, I do drive a blue BMW but I swear I wasn’t outside your house! One of the greatest joys of writing these pieces each and every other week is hearing a connection that someone can make from reading it. I thank you for taking the time to reflect on this piece and am thrilled it hit home for you. People need to hear of your challenges and successes JV. It makes you all that more real. Thanks for the post my friend.
Great BLart Rob…speak it into action. I like to wear my goals on my sleeve because people around you will help you with your goals when you tell them what you are working toward. Since most people don’t set goals, they are the ones that are jinx’d because good luck follows those that are prepped for success.
Again, great post my friend.
You’re right about that support others will provide once they hear of your goals. It’s funny but for me I almost forget that’s a wonderful byproduct of letting them hear it. I know for me, it forces me to be accountable because I know I’m going to be asked, “By the way, how’s it going with that project you told me about?” Always great reading your posts Doug.
Rob… Good reflection on projecting confidence. In a sense, it’s also about honesty and common sense. If we do believe with inner confidence in what we’re doing, then it’s better to shine that out there rather than being ironically self deprecating which could spread room for doubt that others may latch onto to support their own agendas. As with your coaching… Particularly crucial in a leadership role where you want the team infused with confident direction, not unwittingly opening the door for grumblers. Cynical yes, but I’m sure we can think of such scenarios. Anyway, even if we have to stifle doubts or insecurities, playing the part to ourselves, it feels taller and gives positive energy vibes to exude confidence, so thanks for your blarticle.
Great point. It seems that the self deprecating side of this seems to fool us into believing that this is what others want to hear so we don’t sound arrogant. In fact, quite the opposite is true. As JV mentioned, it certainly doesn’t inspire others around us. Super post Najwa!
Rob, another way to look at this is: Stress can be either Distress or Eustress. How we respond to stress often determines the outcome.
Distress is crippling, Eustress is empowering. (Think Eustress as in Euphoria.) Eustress is healthy, positive stress. In the context you write about, it means doing a mental re-set and then taking on the task/presentation/challenge with energy and enthusiasm, not fear and anxiety.
Works for me!
The term, “Eustress” is a new one for me, but it certainly makes sense. I just know that “outing” our dreams does not jinx our dreams. I like learning a new word for healthy, positive stress. I seem to always learn something from your posts Pat – thanks!
Rob:
As always, you have a great perspective. One I will adopt to the best of my ability. I do not believe a jinx will come from saying something out loud but, I have been known to knock on wood (not really sure why). I believe God controls things so there is no reason to worry about a jinx. Maybe I should knock on wood to get His attention when we I say something like “I’m going to succeed in this next …”. I tend not to say positive things aloud to avoid sounding boastful but, I am ready to think your way on this one.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes. Remember, I’m not talking about being a braggart and laying out everything here. I’m talking about longterm goals that we’ve worked hard for, and whose results are not 100% under our control. Let’s stop being afraid to tell others. So glad you posted Tom.
Period. Amen my friend…Amen!
Well amen to you Dave for posting! As I told too many teams to remember, “We can’t control everything, but we can control our effort.” When we give it everything in the tank, more often than not, good things happen. I just don’t think we have to wait for them to actually happen to tell people about them. Welcome to BLArticle® Nation Dave!
Great blog, Rob! I couldn’t agree more. Another benefit of sharing your intentions (instead of playing the “aw shucks” card) is that when people are aware of your intentions, they may be able to help you with resources, wisdom, or just by cheering you on! Your true friends will be energized by your noble intentions; not offended by them!
Fantastic words of wisdom! It’s amazing how many resources there are all around us that can pop up when we share our intentions. Welcome to BLArticle® Nation Jon. Great to hear your voice.