Have you ever had that sneaky feeling that you’re not as competent or capable as people think you are? You’re afraid that, sooner or later, you’ll be “found out.” That’s called the “Imposter Syndrome,” and the fact that nobody wants to even hear these two words, let alone talk about them, is the very reason why we must talk about them. Often, the scariest things that threaten our self-confidence are the very things we must talk about, because when we do, they become less scary. Let’s start by clearly defining what imposter syndrome really is. Webster’s Dictionary defines it this way:
“Imposter syndrome is a psychological condition characterized by persistent doubt about one’s abilities or accomplishments, accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of success. This belief is often strong and can feel debilitating, despite a history of achievements.”
There it is, and as you can see, even the definition is a bit scary. It’s not the boogeyman. It’s just two words placed together, so let’s start by softening it a bit.
Impostor syndrome tends to hide in the darker areas of our mind, and manifests itself as a sneaky feeling that you’re not as competent or capable as people think you are. Although it can feel like you’re the only one afflicted when in its grips, it’s actually more common than you might think, even among high achievers. It tends to show up when you’re stepping into new territory, or trying something ambitious.
You may not hear it in yourself, but you can hear it in others. Think how often you hear others downplay their achievements by attributing their success to luck or timing, rather than skill or effort. Again, you may not hear it in yourself, but you may be projecting it to others when you do the very same thing.
The question is, how do we manage this syndrome? Notice, I didn’t say eliminate this syndrome, because it exists in all of us. I’m a pretty confident person, and yet, it occasionally creeps from my unconscious to my conscious thoughts as well. When that happens, I suggest you try a few things that have served me well.
Don’t try to hide from those two words. When you start doubting yourself, and hear those words, say them, and recognize them, and when you do, you’ll disarm them a bit. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, “That’s not me; that’s imposter syndrome talking, and I’m not listening.”
Focus on your track record. For years, I’ve coached others who struggle with imposter syndrome, and overall lack of confidence when facing challenges. I tell them to ask themselves this: “What typically happens when I get put in situations like these?” The answer is usually this: “I don’t just meet the moment; I tend to exceed my expectations!”
Don’t worry about the others. Everyone’s journey is different. Comparing yourself to others often exasperates the problem. It’s easier, and a lot more productive, to focus on your own personal progress rather than worry about what others are up to.
Be more compassionate with yourself. This is a real issue for most people. We tend to be much kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Try treating yourself like you would a good friend. You wouldn’t dare call them a fraud for doing things that require courage, so extend the same grace to yourself.
When I think about imposter syndrome, and the words we choose during these all-important moments, I think of the mantra spoken by Al Franken’s character on Saturday Night Live, Stuart Smalley. Before and after every show he would look in a mirror and say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!”
I’m not quite sure that mantra would work for most, but I like the sentiment. How about you say something more like this: “I earned my place here, and my presence and perspective bring something unique to the table.” Say those words as many times as you need to, and you may even hear my voice whispering, “… and gosh darn it, people like you!”
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