While we were growing up, I’m guessing most of us had some rather interesting part-time jobs. I know I had my fair share. One of my more unusual and challenging jobs was during my senior year of high school, when I worked as an umpire. With my best friend Bob, we umpired dozens of games together.
I envied Bob because he was about six inches taller than me, about fifty pounds heavier, and when he made a call, no one questioned it. Because of my rather short stature and less forceful voice, (when I made a call,) everyone questioned it when I made a call. Throughout the games, my friend Bob and I both uttered pretty much the same four words; “strike, ball, out, and safe.” Yet each of us had two completely different results.
During one particularly ugly game, I was dressed down multiple times by both coaches for making calls they disagreed with. I went home discouraged and I told my Dad that I wanted to quit. He seemed puzzled because he knew I was a student of the game. When I told him about the hammering I was taking from the coaches, he asked me to let him hear the way I made a call. Nervously, I got into my umpire crouch, pretended to be watching a play, threw my arm up in the air, and said, “out.”
He looked at me, and he told me he didn’t need to hear any more: He knew what the problem was. He then asked me to try it again, only this time he told me to say it louder. I once again got into my umpire crouch, pretended to be watching a play, threw my arm up in the air, and said, “out!”
His look told me all I needed to know; he wasn’t pleased. I could see the Marine in him begin to take over as he sternly asked me to say it again, only louder. “OUT!” I shouted, and he shouted right back: “Are you sure?!” I made the mistake of saying, “yes” but after the look he shot me, I quickly cleared my voice and shouted, “YES!” He wasn’t through with me as he shouted, “ARE YOU SURE?!” I shouted right back, “YES! OUT!!”
Smiling, he put his hand on my shoulder and said this: “If you make every close call with that volume and level of conviction, you won’t have any more issues with coaches. They won’t question the calls you make…” Sure enough, they never did.
If it sounds like I just helped you to become a better umpire, you’re missing the message here. There are quick moments of truth every day, and those moments require a level of authority that needs to come out in your words, as well as your delivery of those words. When someone asks you if you can do a particular job, they aren’t just looking for the words, “yes, I can do it,” whispered back or “YES, I CAN DO IT,” shouted back. They are looking for those same words but stated with power and conviction.
“The words may open the door for others to believe you, but the tune helps them to go through it.”
Remember, the easiest way to get others to believe your words is for you to believe them yourself.
Rob – Why doesn’t this work when I am arguing with my wife 🙂
Sorry my friend; all bets are off for that one! But if you read my book, How to Change Minds I’m sure you’ll pick up an idea or two… Thanks for posting Ron!
Rob —
I totally agree with your emphasis on the “tune of confidence” to get our thoughts across — it’s never just the right words that will convince people. Thanks for the reminders!!
Agreed, and when you say it, if you mean it – I mean really mean it – you won’t have to worry about the tune. That will take care of itself. Thanks so much for posting Sarah.
TERRIFIC!!!
THANKS! As a seasoned sales person I’m quite sure all you needed was a little reminder about this lesson. Great hearing from you Michael.
So right. How we say something carries –often times– more than what we say. When I was teaching junior high kids- I heard of a fellow teacher who came into her classroom and the kids were going wild. She slammed her book on the desk and shouted, “I demand pandemonium!” The kids instantly shut up. I rest my case
Stories like yours are why I write BLArticles®. Fabulous. I want my readers to know that Eileen is a very well accomplished speaker, and now that I know you taught junior high, I’m quite sure you can teach anyone! So glad to see your post Eileen!
Exceptionally valuable advice for so many Rob. Thanks for the reminder.
You bet, and that’s just what it is – a reminder. This is one of those classic unconscious incompetent situations that usually just need a quick refresher. Thanks for the post Pat!
It’s much more about HOW you say it! great post
Yes sir, our folks were right when we learned at a young age, (sometimes with a tap on the bottom,) “It’s not what you said; it’s how you said it!” Thanks for post Ben!
I BELIEVE! Story telling falls into this category as well. People believe when you “make them” believe through your actions, words and conviction. Great BLarticle Rob and thank you for your wisdom…WELL DONE!
You got that right! Who would you prefer to hear a story from – someone who is verbally detached from the words they are speaking, or someone who feels those words? Always great to hear from you Doug!
Another good one, Rob! You know, what you write of reminds me of how one speaks to an animal – You can say any words you like but if you say them with anger, or with sweetness, the dog/cat will respond to just the tone. I guess we’re not all that different!
I wish I had read this post before I finished the BLArticle® because I would have placed this point in there. Most animals hear nothing but the tone of your voice and know exactly what you mean or don’t mean. When I was young I rode a horse a few times; badly. Horses know who is in charge by the tone you use. If it’s a weak tone, like mines at a young age, get ready for one, tough ride! Thanks for posting Ron!
Nice personal story Rob–very true! The first time I ever heard the expression “It’s not WHAT you say, its HOW you say it,” came from none other than Lee Jolles, your Dad! We were probably in 8th or 9th grade at the time. You and I were out on a tennis court with your folks attempting to play doubles and some kid said something to your dad in a disrespectful manner–I can’t remember what the kid said, but I’ll never forgot your dad’s response in counseling the kid on how to speak to adults! (He had some other words for the kid as well)
My good friend Buzz knows me for over 45 years and he knew my Dad very well too. If I recall, on more than one occasion he used that tone on you as well Buzz! Like me, Buzz only had to hear that tone once to know whatever he was doing, he probably needed to stop. 🙂 Thanks for the post my friend.
Hi Rob,
I am so fond of those memories. You are so right! I remember your technique was so very effective. I’m sure it strengthened your inner belief as well. Another great BLArticle!
How do you like that? Here’s ANOTHER guy who knows me for over 45 years, and is the Bob I wrote about in this BLArticle®. You remember my technique was effective but not right out of the gate. You and I were too busy dodging pitches missed by catchers, and bats being thrown by overeager baseball players! So glad you were able to read this one Bob, and grateful for your post… and friendship.
Thanks for the great article, Rob! I love the message, and will keep practicing on how to say the words with authority and conviction.
I’m quite sure you’ll be able to apply this to what you do. Just remember, the tune is always there. We just have to remember to access it, and that comes from being in the moment and sure of ourselves. Thank you so much for your post Hui!
Right On!!! A very insightful observation. Fortunatly for meI had learned this very early in my life and it has been very helpful to me. I agree.
I have heard you communicate my friend, and the tune is not something you struggle with. Someone, early in your life, taught you well! Thanks for posting Victor.
Great advice! We need to project the confidence we feel inside ourselves and persuade others to believe we can do the job!
That’s right, and projecting that confidence might take us out of our comfort zone… but it sure is worth it! Thanks so much for posting Melissa.
Belief and authority… right on, Rob!
Thanks Beth. The way we say what we say is so important. I appreciate your post!