I’ll never forget my first few weeks on the campus of the University of Maryland. Like most freshman, I was both excited and overwhelmed. The very size of the university was intimidating, and with a wide variety of required freshman classes, it was extremely challenging to find my way around the campus. I remember thinking to myself: “How in the world can anyone find their way around this place?!”
I wasn’t sure I would be able to find my classes, so before classes had actually begun, I spent time figuring out where my classes would be held, and a route from one class to the next one. I went from the high-rise dorm I was living in, across campus to the “hill”, from there to the “mall”, and from there, to my dorm. It appeared to be an endless maze, and the task of actually learning my route and locations seemed nearly impossible. I was in awe of those who seemed to know their way around, and when lost, I was grateful to those who politely pointed me in the right direction in an empathetic and simple manner.
Then, a funny thing happened. Within a few weeks, what had felt impossible seemed more than probable. I no longer laid awake at night, worrying about whether I’d find my lecture halls, and I began to accept my rather shaky command of my surroundings. A few weeks after that, I became downright confident. I never forgot, however, how tough that darn campus was to navigate, and I tried to emulate those who had been polite and helpful to me when someone asked me for directions. To this day, particularly when people ask for clarification on the techniques and processes I teach, I try to be patient. I also try to keep it simple. Sometimes I’m more patient then other times, and that’s often because I can’t figure out why something can be so difficult for someone to understand when it seems so simple to me… until I remember those first few days on campus.
I remind you of this story because this particular scenario plays out over and over again, throughout our lives. The first few days on a job, or learning a new task or process, can be overwhelming, but often there are a few kind souls who patiently bring you up to speed. I’d like to think that the reason they can be so helpful is because they’ve stayed in touch with the confusion he or she may have felt when they were in your shoes.
There are two lessons in play here. The first is rather obvious, and it’s a lesson in empathy. If you’re looking for a reminder on empathy, often you don’t have to look further than your own past. Think back to a time when you were confused about something, and there were those who quietly mentored you in that area. The mentors rarely performed those tasks with much fanfare, so you’ll have to spend a moment to retrieve the memories of those teachers.
The second lesson is to remember that, regardless of how well you’ve mastered a difficult task, everyone starts as a beginner and feels a level of vulnerability. We’ve all heard the acronym, K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid). I’m not a fan of a calling people “stupid” so I like the kinder, gentler, K.I.S.K. (Keep It Simple Knucklehead.)
Both lessons lead to the same conclusion. Stay in touch with those memories of the times when you were lost or confused, and if you are having trouble recalling one, feel free to borrow mine. Remembering those moments will allow you to do something very important; walk in another person’s shoes.
I’m only using K.I.S.K. from now on!
Yep, I think I’ll always be partial to the word, “knucklehead!” Thanks for posting Jessie.
Rob, the other lesson here is that the world is actually a lot smaller than it seems. I dropped my daughter off at Penn State a few years ago, a campus that’s even larger than UMD. We were overwhelmed when we started walking around but even after an hour, things began to seem familiar. One of the tour guides said the campus will get much smaller quickly. You’ll spend most of your time in your dorm, a few buildings for classes and the student center perhaps. You’ll start making friends that you have things in common with and your circle will get smaller. Even though the campus is huge, and you might expand your circle at various times over the four years, it’ll basically be the same as if you went to a small NE liberal arts school in many ways (except for football games). I was amazed by how much that applied to life, business and relationships.
I couldn’t agree with you more, but isn’t it funny how fast we forget? That is that small world scenario pops up. Thanks for posting Fred!
Thanks, Rob. Great lesson or reminder through a vivid, personal story! Remember empathy and compassion.
Let’s make a mantra out of that one; empathy and compassion. Thanks for posting Hui!
It’s just as funny now as when I matriculated at U. of MD, to wit: Freshmen were expected to wear a Dink, a thought fashionable, yarmulke-like felt cap to be worn appropriately. I guess that was to alert upperclassmen and women to be on the lookout for those who may be faltering nearby and to admonish those among the faltering who were not wearing theirs. Problem, soon to be academic: the campus was loaded with freshmen veterans (all males served) who, when about to be admonished, let it be known, with hands on their hips, that they “can take that hat and….” The hats disappeared.
Jerry
I wish the fraternities would learn from this as well…
Thanks for posting Jerry!
As the world becomes more complex and change is constant in all areas of life, we have to remember that we cannot know, comprehend, or navigate all these changes on our own. We need to rely on others to help and teach us. In return, we need to do the same for others as we also have special knowledge based on our past experiences and unique skill sets that can make a difference. Large “doses of patience, mentoring, caring, and kindness is what the world needs right now.
Debbie, there is absolutely nothing I can add to your beautiful words. Well said! KEEP posting!
Rob,
Every time you share your past, it reminds me how parallel our pasts were. I began classes @ UMD in August of 1975. A planner like you; I started my exploration a few months prior. As I wasn’t able to get into any of the dorms, I had to initiate my networking activities. Although I lived in Rockville [now North Potomac- La-ti-dah!] I was not about to commute to College Park each day. This was confirmed the 1st day of orientation, when I was rear-ended on the ramp to Baltimore Blvd [Route 1] by a grad student who fell asleep at the wheel!.
As a result of no apparent housing available, through a friend-of-a-friend I discovered that you could room at fraternities without being a initiate. I felt the same as you- WOW! this place is HUGE! I wasn’t even on Fraternity Row- Sigma Chi was way back on Norwich Road. And as with you, I had to rely on some pretty patient guys who didn’t even know this stranger, boarding in their house for the lay of the land.
As you know, I am deeply aligned and involved with the CSP here at TIAA. And, as such; spend much of my time with onboarding our “initiates” to the process. I continually rely on my 30 year perspective in financial services and my experiences in the learning space and this allows me the patience and continual attempts to K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple & Succinct)
Always a pleasure sharing with you and learning from our shared experience. I’ll Be sure to look you up when back in McLean,
Wally
Denver, CO
A fellow Terp in the house! Great story. I’ll be waiting to hear from you when you get to town! Thanks for posting Wally.