When you speak for a living, you get all kinds of questions. One of the most common questions has to do with conquering the fear known as “stage fright.” One of my answers to how one can address that fear is this: “Do anything a few thousand times and you’ll no longer fear doing it.” That may be a great answer, but most people will never be doing public speaking a few thousand times… nor do they have any desire to do so.
So how can I help someone who wants to overcome stage fright who doesn’t have the benefit of repetition? I often whisper six words: “The audience is rooting for you.”
For a moment, imagine that what I just said is true. Now imagine I followed that thought with this one: “Hey, I just spoke to everyone in the audience and they all told me that they hope you do a great job today.” Suspend your disbelief for a moment and honestly ask yourself if you knew, for a fact, that this was true, wouldn’t you go into that boardroom, or onto that stage, with confidence and less anxiety?
Now, all I need to do is prove that the people in that audience are really rooting for you! Before we speak, we are often very focused on ourselves, and our own needs. Because of that, we completely forget about the people in the audience and their needs. For decades, I’ve asked people in different audiences many questions, and I’ve never heard even one audience member tell me that he or she was hoping to get as little information as possible from my presentation. As a matter of fact, I’ve heard quite the opposite.
- I’ve heard audience members tell me that they didn’t want to have their time wasted.
- I’ve heard audience members tell me that they did not want a presenter who was ill prepared.
- I’ve heard audience members tell me that they did not want a presenter who was indifferent, or didn’t care.
In other words, the members of your audience are, in fact, rooting for you to be successful. It isn’t because they care so deeply about you, but rather because by rooting for you, they are rooting for themselves. It does them no good to root against you! The anchor of Good Morning America, Robin Roberts, explains how she copes with her speaking anxiety:
It’s about focusing on the fight and not the fright.
Now that you know you have an entire room of people rooting for you, the next time it’s your turn speak, put a lion in your heart, get up there, and enjoy your time with your new found friends!
Rob,
I think it comes down to know your subject inside and out, and practice – practice-practice. The speakers that do Ted Talks do a lot of rehearsing until they nail their talk. I once gave a talk to 100 Funeral Directors ( not fun people !) but practiced for hours because I hated speaking in front of more that a small group. The practice payed off and broke the ice for me.
Know your topic and practice.
Buddy
In real estate they say the three most important points are, “location, location, location.” For speaker’s it, “preparation, preparation, preparation.” But often we don’t have that time or information to practice. So, we do what we can to get our minds right! Sounds like you know your topic alright. Thanks for the post Buddy.
This is really powerful, Rob, not just about speaking but about relationships and most of the busines transactions we’ll deal with in general. While there are some people who begin each activity hoping for the worse, and look for typos in the presentation so they have an excuse for not enjoying what they’re bringing you, most want you to succeed and are hoping to find value in what you’ll bring them. If you understand that, a lot of the stress of interacting is gone.
Agreed. There are always the knuckleheads who are hoping for the worse, but there’s no value in preparing for those few exceptions to the rule. They’ll always find something anyway. As a matter of fact, spending too much time trying to make them happy can lose you the rest of the audience. Let’s focus on those who are seeking value. Great post Fred.
Hi Rob,
Good tip and I agree. And solid preparation which you have spoke to in the past is helpful as well.
I also have found something that works for me which is that before I speak I mentally give everyone in the audience permission to think that I am wrong or doing it wrong or anything else they want to think about me. Then, I get to be me and the audience can do with that whatever they want. It is pretty freeing.
Adam
Interesting visualization Adam. What I like about your comment is that you’ve found a way to be yourself. Isn’t being yourself one of the keys to anything we do, particularly if it’s in front of an audience? We said!
Such an interesting take on the fear of speaking. You’ve spoken a lot about the importance of practice, practice, practice…. but still, it doesn’t take away those butterflies in the stomach and that paralyzing feeling of standing in front of all of those people and knowing that they are all looking at YOU! I like the idea that everyone is on your side – and wanting you to succeed – as a way to help jump in and begin your presentation.
Another take on this is that we can all smile a little when we’re watching a speaker begin a presentation (who looks nervous) so he or she knows that we’re there and we’re friendly…
Great point. Most speakers, including yours truly, will seek out those few early smiles and use those people as landing points to make eye contact with. Personally, I try not to make anyone uncomfortable with too much staring, but in a typical audience of 100 people, in the course of an hour, I’ll actually look at about a half dozen people… smiling people. Thanks for the post Ron!
This is definitely true, and a good reminder.
People are rooting for you whether it’s during a speech, networking event or an interview – others want us to succeed so they can feel successful too!
Best, Mary
I’m glad you brought up the networking or interview example. This concept is not just about giving presentations. It’s about people rooting for themselves and rooting for you! Thanks for the post Mary!
Simply put “If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail”
That is simple… and right on target! Prepare, prepare, prepare, and never forget the person or persons in front of you are pulling for you. Great hearing from you Gary!
About 15 (fifteen) years ago.. went to show where Connie Stevens, actress was the headliner.. was sitting near the front row.. was laughing with/at an audience member that she called on stage…it was Valentines Day (was wearing a bright red sweater…very obvious.. not a good idea)..she said “you think it is so funny.. why don’t you come on stage”..mind you about 5,000+ guests…music was playing while on stage.. decided to break out into a disco dance (took disco at an earlier age)..the crowd broke out in laughter…Connie Stephens said.. “It is always the shy ones!!”
The laughter was so loud…it felt like the force was going through my body!
Well..I never forgot the experience.. moral to the story…”no guts..no glory…sometimes…you just take a chance… and it might turn out to be a magical moment.” smile!!
What a great message Stephen! It’s the unplanned, organic moments that truly show others your mental agility. It’s ironic that although we prepare, prepare, prepare, it’s the moments that are not prepared that leave the biggest impression. Super post Stephen!
Spot on! We are there to serve not to shine … A light not on ourselves but rather on them
Spoken like a true pro… which Eileen is. (http://www.eileenmcdargh.com/) Shine that light on that audience and you’ll be doing both you and the audience a huge favor! Thanks for those words of wisdom Eileen!
“The audience is rooting for you”– I love it!
Yes, “The audience is rooting for you… because by rooting for you, they are rooting for themselves!” Great hearing from you Charlotte!
Thanks Rob for the “Six Words” — a valuable tip and stimulating perspective! The article reinforces a principle for mutual benefits, which is doing things in an outward-centered way, not being inward-centered.
I’m not sure that being inward-centered is nearly as valuable. I can always count on learning something when I read your posts Hui. Thanks so much for adding your words.