One, sweet soul; Zoey
There’s something special about having a dog in the house. I grew up in a family with dogs, and we raised our kids with dogs. Sadly, our sweet dog Zoey passed away about eight months ago, and the house just hasn’t felt the same since. So, we’ve decided to begin the process of looking for, and adopting, another dog.
It’s a big decision. Believe me, we know what a big decision it is, and we don’t take it lightly. Anyone who has ever owned a dog will tell you that there certainly are pros and cons to having a dog. The other night, while out with friends, we had a conversation that surprised me. When I mentioned that we were getting a dog, my friend hit us right between the eyes with a pretty depressing comment:
“A dog? With no pets and no kids at home, why would you want to do that? Right now, you can just pick up and go wherever you want, whenever you want. You adopt a dog and you’re going to lose your freedom!”
My wife looked at me with a pretty nervous expression, and my friend seemed to almost gloat about hitting on a point that was indisputable. My friend was right and we both knew it. The freedom we’ve currently been enjoying will be lost, and it has been a point we’ve been struggling with. Although we’ve reached a shaky peace with it, it was difficult hearing it said with such bravado. My initial reaction was to dispute it, but I decided on a different approach. After all, what my friend had said was completely correct.
“You’re absolutely right,” I said as my friend’s smile seemed to widen. “We’re going to lose some of our freedom, a freedom we haven’t experienced in over 25 years.”
That’s called “acknowledging.” If you are going to disagree with someone, you’re going to have a much easier time if you can do it after you’ve demonstrated that you were indeed listening to his or her argument. You need to recognize what the person said, and acknowledging does just that.
There was something else I was doing that I should mention. Rather than disagreeing with my friend’s argument, which is clearly the instinct, I agreed. Her point really was indisputable. How often do we battle with friends or clients who are making valid points because we don’t want to “lose” an argument? We flail around, making a weak attempt at an argument that is unwinnable… on that particular issue. We forget that arguments aren’t won, and decisions aren’t made, based on one isolated point. Wouldn’t it make sense to spend more time looking at the entire issue? So, I went on:
“We’re making this decision based on a number of different things. We’re going to experience the joy of sharing our home with a dog that hasn’t had much joy in his life. We’re going to have a wagging tail waiting for us with unconditional love. We’re going to take our walks, and share our couch, and experience a happiness only a dog owner can know.”
If I wanted to bury her with facts, I would have mentioned that it has been proven that owning a dog significantly lowers the risk of heart attacks and has a positive impact on the lives of those with depression and/or anxiety. For some reason, having a dog helps us to lower our blood pressure, helps us recover faster from stress, and protects us from developing asthma later in life. Is it merely a coincidence that dogs are working in courtrooms, hospitals, nursing homes, hospice-care setting, classrooms, and airports to help people in stressful situations? A few days ago, there was a long and well-researched article in The Washington Post stating the many physical, emotional, and psychological benefits of owning a dog. (“September 20, 2016 – Health and Science section, Washington Post article by Marlene Cimons.”)
Life consists of many decisions and choices we have to make, and each decision contains its own small list of pros and cons. I’m not sure I can think of one single decision that provided an exclusive list of only one or the other. It’s natural to lose perspective when we hear the loudest, most aggressive, or the most depressing argument that can be made. Don’t take the bait. When an intelligent argument is made, be sure to listen, and then acknowledge it. That will earn you the right to be heard by others, and it will allow you to present a more balanced look at the decision in question. Ultimately, it will afford you the opportunity to make an intelligent decision based on all the factors involved.
Did I mention we were thinking of adopting a dog? Because we are!
(There are so many wonderful dogs and cats looking for forever homes. I would encourage anyone who is considering bringing a dog or cat into their lives to adopt from any of a number of wonderful agencies like the one that we are currently working with – Lab Rescue of the LRCP)
Rob,
Amen to that! I find our dog inconvenient at times, but I wouldn’t want to miss the joy for anything. Best wishes in your search and may much joy come your way with your new addition 👍🙂
Bob
Rob,
Completely agree with both sides of the argument, and your approach to the sharpest edge there-in. Deciding to adopt a dog is one of the greatest investments you can make in life – the returns are endless! Best!
JV
Hi Rob,
How we make decisions is a reflection of who we are and our values. It is primary to count the cost,
and the more we know often gives us a long-term perspective. Many would not want a dog because of the commitment and responsibility. Also, most of us will certainly outlive a pet. The big question we have to ask is: Why put yourself through the pain and loss of losing a dear “best friend”? (Especially when the greater we love, the greater we feel the pain and loss!). I believe it is because we were created to live and to love. It is what gives life meaning. We have a decision to make every day on whether we will do it — and whether we will do it actively with all our being — regardless of whether the friend is four-legged or two-legged. 😋
Blessings —
Will
We are in a similar place. Lost our two beloved Golden’s and going back and forth on wether to get another family member. Like the splint you raise about the discussion. Positive…Factual…Positive. Acknowledge..disarm…sell.
Happy Friday Wizard.
Rob, thank you for sharing your well-written perspective, and congratulations on deciding to get another dog. As someone who grew up with dogs, and who adopted a rescue nearly 4 years ago, you’re spot on. Over that time I’ve had very similar conversations with people.
Owning a pet doesn’t have to completely change your life. Is it a convenient excuse? Sure. Are there going to be times you feel the need to get home earlier after a day full of meetings? Yes. To me, the decision comes down to one thing, “is the juice worth the squeeze?”
Does the reward outweigh the risk? YES! We love our dog, and everyday I feel lucky to have him. To me, life is about finding happiness through choosing the life you want to live. Every choice is a question of opportunity cost. If you spend your time doing X, you’ll have less for Y. Or if you buy more of A, then you won’t be able to afford B.
Making a quick decision is good, but don’t allow that to get in the way of absorbing new information. Often times choices are the result of outdated thinking and information. We need to be able to adjust our beliefs and be clear with our values to make better decisions in general.
Also, I’ve traveled more over the last 3 years than I have in my entire life. It takes a little more planning ahead, but it’s doable. We have family and friends that will watch Griff for a weekend, and 2 great camps to board him where he gets well taken care of at a reasonable rate.
My wife and I are planning to have kids, and people share this same view. Frankly, we asked ourselves the same question. I considered what life would be like without children. Ultimately, I chose that I want the experience of being a father and that it outweighs anything I need to sacrifice in the process.
Thanks,
Josh
Rob,
I wish your message about listening and acknowledging registered with more people – it seems to be missing almost completely, for example, in our current election cycle. Acknowledging and respecting another person’s point-of-view, even if you disagree, allows everyone to have more civil and productive discussions – it also makes for much more pleasant interactions!
Joan
Rob,
Excellent! Another great BLArticle-and good luck w/ the adoption. Hope all is well w/ you.
Sam
Loved your article that made me smile as I stroke my 2 cats’ sitting next to me while typing away. My 2 cats are the best example for providing unconditional love and surely provide the best entertainment in our home! And then there was my decision to adopt an older child in my older years as a single woman; I am so glad I persisted in my long adoption process and gave up my former independence. Not always easy, though I am so grateful that my child changed my life and I changed her life forever for the positive. I’m all for promoting the blessings of adopting pets and/or children! Appreciate your insights Rob on how to share with others when they may not agree or understand our viewpoint. God bless!
Rob,
We’re all different with different needs. Dog People– Cat People– Non/animal People. Getting along with everyone is a necessary skill which you’ve showed by your response .
Good one as always.
Regards,
Buddy
P
Thanks Rob for sharing one of your life decisions in an open and wise way! A decision-making process can be a reflective, fact-checking, reasoning, listening, and even friendship strengthening time. I’m sure you’ll have a lovable addition to your family.
Good luck with hunting and adoption!
Ah, yes. As someone mentioned in your comments section, this election cycle needs everyone to employ your type of answer to the difficult question of why would you possibly vote for (fill in the blank)???
There is certainly a significant amount of truth in what you say.
Many times it is much easier to diffuse an argument than trying to win it.
However, with regards to having a dog although their are certainly many reasons to own one there comes a time in a person’s life that freedom is important.
Thanks Rob for yet another well-written article.
We have two dogs at home. Time after time I realize how precious these creatures are. Beyond the wonderful things you mentioned above about what they bring in their presence, I find that they provide a mirror through which I see a reflection of myself, should I wish to see that.
After all, one can’t wish for a better present than a reflection mirror.
Hi Rob,
What a fun example to illustrate the importance of acknowledging the other person’s point of view during a discussion. I’ve already put this principle into practice and quickly realized that in my eagerness to share my own point of view and to “streamline” communication, I had been unknowingly discounting the opinions of others.
This technique is simple and effective and creates a supportive, encouraging environment supportive of growth!
Thank you,
Pam