Let me set the stage for you: You are about to walk into a high-pressure situation, and there’s a lot riding on the conversation that’s about to take place. This isn’t just any conversation, but one that requires you to find the courage to ask for something from someone. You feel vulnerable, and you feel anxious, so you decide not to leave this moment up to chance. You prepare meticulously for the dialogue that’s about to take place; your words are well thought out and you’ve practiced saying them several times. Unfortunately, far too often, our nerves get in the way so the words never come. The moment is lost.
For many of us, this kind of vocal paralysis starts at an early age. We nervously prepare the perfect the words to ask someone to the prom. We’re waiting for the perfect moment. That moment never seems to materialize so we never have the opportunity to use those words. Maybe we want to ask a favor of a friend, and we rehearse and role-play just how we are going to make that request. Sadly, the moment we are searching for never presents itself and the request is never made.
It might be an appeal for a raise, a call for support, or even asking a client for their business. More often than not, we swing and miss because at the moment of truth, the words are nowhere to be found. Is it the words that betray us?
It’s the words between the words that stand in our way.
The “words between the words” are the transitions from one topic to the next, and those crucial moments are often completely overlooked. For instance, when I teach a salesperson to ask someone for his or her business, I teach what’s called a “summary close.” Without it, the salesperson is stuck between finishing the explanation of the solution and the request for the person’s commitment. The words may sound something like this: “With what we’ve talked about, you’re going to get all the things you mentioned you were looking for. I’d love to work with you on this as we move forward.” In this case, the words between those words are these: “Don’t you agree…” Those three words between the words not only help connect the solution to the commitment, but those words also provide a perfect opportunity to move to that well rehearsed summary close. When the words between the words are well thought out, asking for a commitment becomes surprisingly easy.
How about asking a friend for a favor, or asking someone for help? The words might be something like this: “I’m going to approach a company I’ve never spoken to before, and I know you worked there a few years ago. Could you ask around and see if they’re hiring, and whom I should contact?” Unfortunately, getting to those words can be difficult. In this case, the words between the words might be as simple as, “Jim, I need your help.”
I’ll let you in on a little secret. When I prepare a presentation I have never delivered before, I spend surprisingly little time on the body of the presentation. All I really need are a few well-placed bullets on a PowerPoint slide, and perhaps a word outline in a place where I can sneak a peek while I’m speaking. I spend the majority of my time practicing and perfecting the words between the words, so I can transition seamlessly from topic to topic.
It’s amazing how much time we spend crafting words we never use because it’s just too darn awkward getting to them. By focusing on the words between the words, you’ll provide yourself with transitions that make connecting to the more challenging parts of any conversation a whole lot easier.
So true! With any speech, master the open and close and then focus strictly on the transitions. The body of the speech will come!
The body of the speech will come because it’s the part we know best, we usually have our nerves under control when we get there, and often the body is what has been prepared for us by the company. Those words between the words are what takes us to the next level. Thanks for posting Roger!
Thanks so much Rob! You have an uncanny ability to help us unlock the key to our own “jail cell”. That is, you understand where we trap ourselves/get in our own way/hold ourselves back. With just a sleight of words, you’re able to show the way out. The words between the words deserve alot more of my attention!
Thanks Lee. What concerns me is the inability to get at key words because we don’t know the transition to get to those key words. That’s what we must truly master. Great hearing from you Lee.
Rob, you are absolutely hitting on something that I have neglected in many situations! It seems obvious once you point it out, but it is far from obvious. I can think of many times when I wanted to ask for something but I couldn’t figure out how to get to it. I didn’t have the transition figured out. Your solution makes total sense. Thank you!
You bet, and you aren’t alone. Master those words between the words and you’ll get at what you’re asking for! Nice hearing from you Ron.
How true that we just don’t ask simply for help, input, or understanding because of the “fear”. We cover the fear by coming up with the perfect speech. And as Rob says, it doesn’t come out.
But we’ll get it out now. Those words between the words are not nearly as difficult when you spend the necessary time practicing them. Great hearing from you Sal!
Rob, you continuingly raise the bar with such BLarticles! [perhaps not the IP bar – (R) omitted because use of TM symbol properly is as an adjective ;-)] Love the shared secret!
For the record, there’s actually a BLArticle® about that circle r. Glad you liked the secret, and always great reading your posts Michael.
Brilliant! One exception to your comments today. Especially in the Jolles Clan, sometimes it is “the words between the words” that get us into trouble. Just kidding! Thanks Rob, you never fail to cause me to ponder your advice for many days after reading. Thank you.
For the Jolles Clan, the words before, during, and after can get us into trouble! In all seriousness thought, the next time you’re in a pressure situation, just focus on the words between. Thanks so much for posting Dee!
Well done. Very well worded and should be helpful to many people in various lines of work and meaningful communications.
You’re right about the broad application here. Whenever we communicate – whether it’s a presentation, or one-on-one, those transitions are the key! Thanks so much for posting Victor.
Thank you Rob for this profound teaching! Your message is invigorating yet clearly penetrating to the bottom of missing words. I had those moments before due to more an internal barrier than an external barrier. In addition, the article also reinforced how critical “the words between the words” are as these words, even if a few, may hold the key to effective communication that help accomplish our goals.
You nailed it Hui; the words between the words are the key to effective communication. Well said. Super post Hui!
Thanks for emphasizing the transition, Rob. Always an important step in a fluid presentation which helps close the deal!
“An important step in a fluid presentation,” or any pressure situation. Those transitions are a life saver! Thanks for the post Jack.
I’m a little late responding, Rob…. It’s almost time for the next BLArticle…!
I’ve been in the business world, so long…50 years…and I use to use all that ‘stuff’…but I’ve forgotten a lot of it.,..! This BLArticle…was a pleasant ‘reminder’…!
Thanks much, my friend…!
John M
‘C.T.’