Last week’s BlArticle™ about worry received more comments than any other I’ve ever written, so let’s stay on this topic for one more week. There were a lot of takes on how different people deal with worry, but there is one comment that really stuck in my mind:
“Perhaps in a future blog, (meant “BlArticle™”) you can take this one step further and suggest systematic steps to STOP the process of worrying. I know you can’t be expected to know EVERYTHING, but if you can share how you stop your mind from going over to the “worry” side, I’d love to hear it!”
I like a good challenge, so I’m going to give you one man’s, systematic approach to stop the mind from worrying. It’s my own crude system, but it works for me, and it has worked for others I have talked to. It involves “Positive Thinking – Positive Habits – Positive Results” and here’s how it goes…
The process of worrying can really be defined as – the process of moving to the negative. In other words, when we begin to worry, we aren’t worrying about what is going to go right, but what is going to go wrong. The more we worry, the easier it is to look at the negatives. Soon we are immersed in worry, and often, unconsciously, we see everything that crosses our path as negative. For instance, look at these three examples:
• The economy is sluggish, at best.
• Property values keep dropping.
• The last three client meetings resulted in no sales.
Can’t argue with those three. Once those thoughts cross our mind, we can move in one of two directions. The first and easiest direction is to worry, and here comes the “What if’s…”
• The economy is sluggish at best. “What if it gets worse?”
• Property values keep dropping. “What if I can’t sell my house?”
• The last three client meetings resulted in no sales. “What if I’ve lost my touch?”
Positive Thinking
Speaking of “what if’s,” what if you forced your mind to think of something positive instead? I know you may be shouting at your computer screen and saying, “Rob is out to lunch on this one!” but stay with me. The recent loss of my father was one of the most devastating experiences I have ever had to endure. I grieved then and I grieve now, but I am also delivering the best seminars I have given in 25 years because I choose to believe that my father is witnessing my work and that inspires me.
Is it somehow irresponsible to think of a positive way of looking at a problem? Will this jinx us in some way? Will it somehow protect us by worrying about an outcome we frequently can’t control? Why can’t we train our minds to look at potential worries in a different way?
• The economy is sluggish at best. “It sure beats 2009!”
• Property values keep dropping. “Not only am I saving on property taxes, but if I do choose to move, I’ll simply make it up on my purchase!”
• The last three client meetings resulted in no sales. “I’m overdue and much closer to my next sale!”
Positive Habits
It’s not easy to train your minds to think this way. Practice. Pick up the newspaper and look at the front page. Read the headline of every article. Pause, and ask yourself if there is a positive way of looking at each headline:
• Osama bin Laden has been killed. “Oh, no. There may be retaliation.” Negative.
• Osama bin Laden has been killed. “With the spread of democracy taking hold in the Middle East, this could be a pivotal and constructive moment in history.” Positive.
I want to apologize to every therapist who reads this quirky little BlArticle™ and recognizes that often it isn’t quite this easy. I also recognize that in certain situations, we need to prepare for contingency plans and consider all scenarios. The act of considering all scenarios ironically reduces worry as well.
Positive Results
Forcing the mind to consider the positives takes practice. However, I can tell you that with practice, it not only becomes a habit, it will produce positive results. The mind begins to naturally roll out positive scenarios to various situations, and with that, it reduces worry. Don’t believe me? Take my mantra of “Positive Thinking, Positive Habits, Positive Results” with you for the next week. Every time a worry crosses your mind, try turning to the positive. If you need help, pick up a newspaper and you’ll find plenty of material to practice with.
Hi Rob,
As always, interesting Biarticle! I read “Think and Grow Rich” by Napolion Hill in my senior year of high school. This book (no, this bible) is has been my key to focusing on the positive every since. The concept of “Cosmic Habit Force”, a key point in his book, says that we have to fertilize the soil in our minds for it to be ready to accept the seeds of knowledge so it can mature and bear fruit. It takes self discipline to watch and manage our thoughts. My own life theory stemming from both, this book and my personal experiences, includes the belief that we each have our own manufacturing center. We either manufacture positive energy or we manufacture negative energy. Napoleon Hill says we are wired one way or the other. I agree with you—you can train your mind to think positive—-and, if you do, you will be what you think you are. Unfortunately the same applies the other way.
Hi Rob,
You don’t know it, but I’ve read all your articles. Enjoyed them very much. Many challenging and interesting thoughts. I was saddened to hear about your dad. He was (and still is) a great man who was important to me during our wonderful Scouting days. Enjoy your spring Rob!
Bob
think positive, expect the best, the law of attraction, think rich, think healthy….. “they” all talk about the same thing.. you experience what you think! its all the same.. in different words.. and we can’t talk enough about it! thanks for your inspireing words! keep spreading these thoughts! greetings from Switzerland
Rob,
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your Father but inspired that you have taken the devastation of losing a parent and taken from it a renewal of positive energy in your seminars. If ever there were a testament to living the words, ‘Positive Thinking, Positive Habits, Positive Results’, that has to be it.
Well OK then, ask something of Rob and he delivers! Many thanks for taking this one step further. Totally agree with your approach and your honesty in terms of how difficult it may be…at least in the beginning. Will definitely try what you have suggested….I certainly am one of those “worry worts,” – that’s why learning this new behavior adjustment approach is worth a try!
And I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your dad. Losing a parent is one of the most painful things in life Rob, hang in there.
Great BIarticle, Rob.
I am a very positive person. I am also a news junkie. It is very difficult to stay positive when we are surrounded by so much negativity. Your BIarticle should be required reading for our leaders and the 24-hour news recyclers!
No kidding.
I am amazed at the mind set of people who focus on the negative in everything. They seem truly unable to be upbeat about almost anything.
Perhaps all they need do is think one step further: ‘And the positive ramifications of what I just heard are…..’
Makes a world of difference to your perspective.
I used to be a constant worrier. Many books and people including my mother had told me to think positive thoughts. Worrying didn’t do any good. I tried, but I just couldn’t do it. Then I took a 15-week audio tape program that taught me to do a relaxation exercise before I said positive statements. The positive statements were not true in the beginning, but they became true. The tapes said—we are intentionally reprogramming your brain. The positive messages will get in your brain better if you do a relaxation exercise before you say them.
Completely agree. Finding a positive spin on events or focusing on the positive (or silver lining at the least) will help build momentum.
As Gary Potter says in Happy Gilmore:
“Harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. It’s like a carousel. You put the quarter in, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. Circular, circle. Feel it. Go with the flow.”
Thank you for another good post, Rob
Rob, very nice ‘BlArticle’ as always… it give us something to make us better.
I also believe “worry” is often a by-product of the absence of faith. a level of ‘faith’ is absolutely essential for human life. (Would you get on a plane w/o faith, or speed 65 miles/hr towards oncoming traffic that or,… well, u get the point).
So my faith helps me not to re-cycle too many times the things that I cannot: a)understand (some things),or b)control (most things). I often enjoy a peace when things are crazy from simply ‘knowing’ a super-natural power – and that truly has my best interest at heart – is in control! Because, God knows, I’m not!..:)
With that belief as a relief, as Rob mentions, we can more easily train our minds to see the ‘positive’ side of the same glass 1/2 FULL glass.
Rob, thanks again for making us dig deeper…
-Phil