I’ve spent over three decades with my own business, but I haven’t always been an entrepreneur.  I worked with three different companies in my 20’s and early 30’s, and I had a full array of bosses.  Some were skilled, some were kind, and some weren’t.  I only had one boss with whom I really didn’t click, and I was lucky that it was just one boss out of the many I had.  

No one clicks with everyone, and maybe I should have just left it at that… but I didn’t.  As a matter of fact, I began to obsess about it.  I was used to being able to win people over, and I tried really hard to get this guy to like me.  Nothing seemed to work, and in a childish response, I decided if he’s not going to click with me, I’m not going to click with him!  So, I began to pull back a bit, and when he was no longer my manager, I avoided him.  That settled that, and it probably would have all worked out fine, but my imagination began to stir. 

I began to think things like this: “He really doesn’t like me, and it’s personal.  I’ll bet it’s because of my personality.  He’s probably one of these guys who can’t tolerate anyone who’s different than him.  He probably has no friends because he’s such a jerk.  Yeah, that’s the ticket; a jerk.  While we’re on the subject, it must be impossible to be married to him!”

Like it or not, I was consumed with anger and confusion regarding this boss.  I had him pegged for sure; he was just a miserable person who didn’t seem to have a considerate bone in his body.  He was such a nasty guy that, although he was not my manager for my final two years with this company, I found that just having to see him in the hallway became one of my reasons for leaving the company.  Just seeing his face, and being reminded of his personal vendetta against me, would poison my mood.

There’s a lot to unpack in those last two paragraphs, but I’ve got a question for you: What if I had it all wrong?  

• He never told me it was personal.
• We never had a conversation about my personality, nor did he ever make a comment about my personality.
• I never met any of his friends, nor did I actually know how his friends felt about him.
• I really didn’t know if he was actually miserable or considerate, but I did meet his family once, and they seemed fairly happy with him.
• As for the personal vendetta against me, that was just me venting.  I haven’t a clue whether he had a vendetta against me.

The fact is this: Almost all of what was really bothering me came from my imagination. It was a story that I imagined so often, I began to believe every word of it.  Worse than that, every time I told myself these stories I made up about him, it had absolutely no effect on him. It did have, however, a very negative impact on my mood and performance.  

So, as long as we’re making things up fables about others we feel have wronged us, why can’t we make up a different story?  What if the story I chose to make up was this one: I found out that my boss came from a broken home, with an abusive parent?  What if he had a special needs child, and was frequently sleep deprived from taking care of this child?  Obviously, considering these circumstances, I would have been much more understanding. That information would have softened my heart a bit, and it would have quieted that vivid imagination of mine.  By doing that, I would have been helping myself immensely; I would have felt much less persecuted and much more forgiving. 

Now let’s try to learn from this anecdote: What stories are you telling yourself?  For many, they are vivid, convincing, frequently self-sabotaging… and more often than not, they are probably wrong.  Maybe your stories are about these kinds of scenarios:

• A job interview with a hiring manager whom you are sure is probably looking for a younger applicant. You could be right, and if you are, you won’t be getting hired.  But what if you found out that this hiring manager had a soft spot for older applicants, and was looking forward to meeting you?  Unincumbered with doubt, I think it’s safe to say you’d be more relaxed and give that hiring manager a much better look at your authentic self.  
• A sales opportunity with a prospect who is probably going to push back because your price is higher than your competition.  You could be right, and if you are, you’ll need to handle this price objection like every other salesperson does. What if you found out that this company just went through a bad break-up with a low price, underperforming vendor? You might feel more confident about your pricing, and you wouldn’t be afraid to ask questions about the critical nature of the problem that individual brought you in to address.  You would be far more credible when you confidently explained the reason for your pricing, and the additional value you can provide.
• A person in a position of authority won’t make eye contact with you, and this individual seems to have an issue with you. You could be right, and if you are, you’ll need to tread carefully. It could also be that you found out that this person is very uncomfortable with his or her looks, and never makes eye contact with others. You’d realize that the lack of eye contact isn’t personal, and since you would no longer be misusing your imagination, you could try harder to connect with this person. 

Having a vivid imagination is a terrific trait, and it’s one that I’m quite proud of in myself.  Beware of misusing that imagination, however.  Try to create narratives that are positive and will give others the benefit of the doubt.  It’s not really a matter of being kinder to others; it’s a matter of improving your own performance, and being kinder to yourself. Now these are stories that are truly worth telling. 

 

 

What do you get when combine energy, enthusiasm… and great content?  You get a “Pocket Sized Pep Talk!”  Tune in and you’ll hear a collection of BLArticles®, conversations, and interviews that are sure to teach, motivate, inspire, and oh yes; entertain!   https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pocket-sized-pep-talks/id1497772972

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s better than one sales trainer? Well, two of course!  Join us every other Tuesday for our LinkedIn Live Series at 12:30 pm EST when we bat around different ideas in what we’re calling: “What to say when a prospect says…?”  Our most recent tips related to, “What to say when a prospect says, I want to think about it.”

 

 

 

 

I was also on, “It’s Not Rocket Science! Five Questions Over Coffee,” a fun podcast with Stuart Webb.   You can listen to the podcast here: https://thecompleteapproach.substack.com/p/five-questions-over-coffee-with-rob#details

If you are looking for something to listen to on your next coffee break you might enjoy this brief chat between me and Tom Bailey, Founder of Succeed Through Speaking and the Succeed Through Speaking podcast. Listen closely if you would like some high value ideas to boost your business results.

You can read the transcript here – https://bit.ly/3BOfU7o

You can watch the podcast here – https://youtu.be/w-QgGvweE2M

You can listen to the podcast here – https://apple.co/2YVGWuN

I Zoomed my way to India to speak with Motivational Diaries, and Ashish Janiani.  We spoke for about 30 minutes about sales processes and training for success. 

   Sales Process To Sales Success || Interview With Robert Jolles – YouTube

If you want to read some “Life Lessons” I was able to share in a recent interview, you’ll find them here:  https://worldclassperformer.com/short-life-lessons-from-robert-jolles/

I had the pleasure of appearing on Robert Miller’s, Follow Your Dream Podcast and thoroughly enjoyed the discussion.  We go way back in this conversation to my first memories of performance… at age four!  I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!  https://follow-your-dream.simplecast.com/episodes/rob-jolles-superstar-salesman

I took another spin on, “The Abundant Accountant” podcast, and talked about a number of issues including  why sales training so often fails found here:  https://theabundantaccountant.com/episode-101-why-sales-training-for-accountants-and-tax-firm-owners-fails-and-how-to-avoid-it-with-rob-jolles

I also mixed it up with a wonderful podcaster, Terry McDougall on her Marketing Mambo show.  As she puts it, we “Cha-cha-chatted!”  If you want to hear sales and marketing go toe-to-toe, you’ll enjoy this show. https://www.buzzsprout.com/1569061/8172686-the-art-of-influence-in-sales-and-marketing-with-rob-jolles

I recently did a podcast with a wonderful, new, and up-and-coming star named Jahmaal Marshall.  His podcast is called, “Listen Then Speak.”  I’ve done a lot of podcasts, but we got into topics I rarely talk about, and I’m quite sure you’ll enjoy the show!  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/listen-then-speak/id1550684472

I’ve appeared on the “Small Business Advocate Show” with Jim Blasingame for almost 20 years now, and you’ll find dozens of our conversations on his website.  We just sat down a few weeks ago for a great conversation about selling fundamentals and the strategic use of stories.  Here’s a link to over 100 interviews done over the years, including my most recent interview that explores our many behaviors we display that are based more on a default mechanism than actual logic. https://www.smallbusinessadvocate.com/small-business-experts/rob-jolles-134

We posted a video series on delivering amazing online presentations with my friend, Jeremy Webb.  We go over some great stuff including:

• How to Select the Best Equipment for Online Presentations
• Pro Tips for Sustaining Interest in Online Presentations
• How to Look Like a Pro!
• Public Speaking Anxiety Tip
• Virtual Office Setup for Online Presentations

You’ll find the whole playlist here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRO7BsBDl6oL-6ZPW3O01x-g5PiR38ljL

I was recently interviewed on the “Salesman Podcast,” which was a lot of fun. If you’re looking to Change Minds, check out this podcast: https://www.salesman.org/the-simple-step-by-step-process-to-influence-anyone-with-rob-jolles/

I loved talking about the book, Why People Don’t Believe You on a podcast that I’m sure you’ll like called Onward Nation: https://predictiveroi.com/podcasts/rob-jolles/

After 30+ years as a professional speaker and trainer, one of the most common questions I get is this: “How do we make sure the training sticks?”  Take a moment and listen to this podcast; “SalesChats” with John Golden.  If you want to know why most training fails, listen up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR3dDOlTK7U&list=FLxBXKhqz0xBwbUPMqNthAJA&index=2&t=1293s